Faith

The definitions of faith are too numerous to list. Different people have different ideas about what *faith* really is.

In Hebrews, Paul defines faith as believing that God exists and that He cares enough to respond to those who seek Him. (Paraphrase of Hebrews 11:6, Message.)

The first part is easy, really. Most (if not all) people who go to church believe that God exists. It's the second part many are challenged with.

For me, the reason the second part is more challenging, is because I've been taught/led to believe that He responds only when I please Him. Now, taking into account that earlier in that same verse Paul says that it's impossible to please God without faith, it seems that I am in a pickle: He only responds when I please Him, and I can only please Him when I believe that He responds. So where does that leave me???? FRUSTRATED!!!

I think a big part of this for me is to realize that the verse says that "He cares enough to respond to those who seek Him." It doesn't say HOW He will respond...just that He will. So if I'm looking too hard for one thing, and He answers in another way...I'm stuck!

That seems to be part of the difference I've seen lately. I've allowed God out of the box of *this is how I want you to respond to this* and just let Him be God. And He has responded in both expected and unexpected ways.

So today I'm grateful that I can *see* God's responses to me...that He is helping me to be aware of these responses. My prayer today is that God will open my eyes to see even MORE of His responses to me!

November 08

So I'm reading through Amos as part of a Bible reading plan on my phone....just finished Hosea and Joel...where God is basically telling the Israelites to get it together or they're gonna be in trouble. I've heard that just because something is in the Bible, it doesn't mean that *God* said it...so much as that was what happened. However, these books are prophecy books...and the men that wrote them are speaking what God has told them to say. So I'm going with the understanding that when God says *If you _____, then I will ____*, that is truly what would happen. In other words, if they continued to reject God, He would cause them to be taken into captivity.

So...my question is...is that who God is today? I am covered by the blood of Jesus, so all of the *if you _____* are taken care of. There are laws to follow not out of obligation or threat of punishment, but because God knows the end result of the bad behavior/actions. The problem is, that makes the *laws* sound like mere suggestions...not necessarily to be taken seriously.

The blood of Jesus protects me from the *punishment* of disobeying the laws...but it may or may not protect me from the *consequences*. Although that kinda makes it sound like God just arbitrarily chooses who to *rescue* and who not to. Then again, that may have something to do with heart issues...and God being willing to *rescue* those who truly have a change of heart. But there again...isn't that an arbitrary decision?

I'm trying desperately to get away from the idea that God is arbitrary. He says He is no respecter of persons. So why does it appear that sometimes He answers and sometimes He doesn't...sometimes He rescues and sometimes He doesn't...sometimes He steps in and sometimes He doesn't. Am I trying too hard to figure Him out????

I thought it was simple. Jesus died to take away my sins and the Holy Spirit lives within me to give me the same power He gave Jesus. So where does that leave God? Why do I get some things I merely mention in a prayer...or just even think about...yet the things that I seriously pray about remain unanswered?

What authority does God have on earth...in my life...today? What authority do I have? Those are the bottom-line questions.

As I typed that, I heard that He has the authority in my life that I give Him. I'm not exactly sure what that means at this moment...something about surrendering. OK...I'm somewhat beginning to understand. But...example...conceiving....what role does God have in that? (I'd love to know the answer across the board...but as Aslan has told the Pevensies...someone else's life is not mine to understand.) In this example, David and I have done all we can to conceive. Is it in God's hands now? Or simply in nature's (whatever that means)?

Reading Amos, I see that all God wants is to be noticed...for me to hunger and thirst for HIM...rather than other gods (including conceiving...hint, hint). I guess where I go then is...does that mean I will get the things I want...that He will honor the desires of my heart? Doesn't He still have the final say on if/when things happen? What about the choices other people make?

It just doesn't seem as simple as I thought it was supposed to be. Or maybe I'm just complicating it. It's all very frustrating.

How exactly do I give Him authority in my life? It's what I want...and has been...but I really don't know how to just *let go* of things that are important to me...like finances and conception (issues du jour...lol). And yet...for a while now...I've felt that if I *let go* those things will just happen...He WILL take care of them. I suppose it's a trust issue.

Ahhh...I look around and don't see evidence....in other peoples' lives...in people that I would think SHOULD have evidence. (Sorry, Jenny...that's you! No pressure!) But I suppose that I see the outward things...not the heart issues...and since everyone has issues....

So where do I look for evidence to know it's true? I have to know in my heart...wow...no tall order there! I have to know because God said so...and meditate on those things until I know in my toes...somehow find a way to attach the feeling of hope to those things...until I don't just know because I CHOOSE to know...but because I really do...

Noelle

I was trying to get Noelle to sleep last night. Sometimes it's so easy...other times it's a challenge. Last night was a challenge. As I was lying there trying to keep my eyes open, Noelle was lying down, then sitting back up, just when I thought she was drifting off to sleep. I began to think that she may very well be a personification of my relationship with God.

Noelle is a very sweet baby. I'm so blessed to have her in my life...we all are. She's getting quite a personality...cute and sassy...and, of course, spoiled. :) Now that she's more mobile, she plays for a good amount of time by herself. But she does like for someone to be fairly near her...just in case she decides she *needs* to be cuddled.

Alas, my little princess does have two irritating flaws...she does not like to sleep and she doesn't seem to have (or want) any kind of routine to her day. When we lay her down for a nap, she may sleep 15 minutes...or 2 hours...one never knows. There is no rhyme or reason to it. Needless to say, she may take as many as 4 naps in a day. And she'll be up for as little as an hour or as much as 4-5 hours in between naps. Her bedtime at night is nowhere near consistent either. Sometimes she'll just lie down next to me and drift off to sleep...and sometimes she would rather me walk her to sleep.

So how does this personify my relationship with God? Well, for starters, I want to *see* Him next to me all the time, just in case I need a hug or something. Yes, I know He's always present with me...but it's not enough to intellectually know...I want to FEEL Him with me.

The biggest similarity, though, is the sleep issue...which would translate to resting in Him. There is no rhyme or reason to when I will. I may rest in Him for 15 minutes...or it may be longer. There is no rhyme or reason to it. And no matter how tired I am, sometimes I just won't give in and rest.

Noelle's name means Beloved Birth Day. That's no accident. It would seem that there has been a heightened sense of awareness of God's reality since the week I was in labor with her. I have definitely made positive progress in my pursuit of God and His true character. And it seems I have seen things about myself much more clearly since her birth.

One Thousand Gifts

I've been blessed to read Ann Voskamp's Holy Experience blog. She writes so beautifully, and I am so encouraged by her words. She challenged her reader's to write a list of 1000 gifts God has blessed them with.

1. walking my baby to sleep while I pray over her
2. a change in perspective, brought on by the words of a friend at dinner last night
3. peaceful moments to read a book
4. seven beautiful, wonderful children
5. a loving and attentive husband
6. a roof over my head
7. food on my table
8. clothes on my back
9. dear friends that I can share with my heart with
10. watching my two girls snuggled together taking a nap on the living room floor
11. listening to my boys helping each other with homework
12. fresh revelation
13. freedom to express my emotions to God without fear of punishment
14. David passed his insurance test the first time
15. playing soccer with a cereal box with Corey
16. tickle fights with Joshie and Kyle
17. sweet baby kisses
18. Noelle's belly laugh
19. the opportunity to teach my children
20. sharing joy with my children when they get good grades
21. singing songs with the littles for Bible
22. learning songs with Kaelyn
23. virtual dream shopping with Kaelyn
24. watching the Olympics with my children
25. witnessing a much-needed object lesson
26. the birth of a calf
27. hearing God speak to me, sometimes when I least expect it
28. watching my babies sleep
29. playing baseball with my children in the yard
30. listening to Joshie sing our Bible songs throughout the day

Forgiveness

I was blessed to read Jodie's blog about forgiveness today. At first glance, I had to laugh at the thought of *me* being able to do *that*! I can't honestly say I WANTED to do some of those things...much less being ABLE. But Phil. 4:13 says I CAN do all things THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens me. So I've decided to eat the elephant in bite-sized pieces. I'm going through the list...one step at a time...and CHOOSING to do each thing forgiveness means towards the people God has brought to my attention.

***BIG WHINE*** Why is everything such a seemingly long, drawn-out process????

KISS 2

To go along with my post on my *main page*....here's the prophecy for today...

"You have repeatedly been urged to release the past, and I tell you truly that as soon as you let go, doors of opportunity will open wide for you to move forward in spiritual progression. Separate yourself from the emotional strain of the difficult circumstances that you have endured. Only then will you see the value of the past experiences apart from the stress, and you will know that you have gained great wisdom and insight that will serve you well in the days ahead, says the Lord. "

Thank you, Lord, for confirmation!

Tomato Staking and Ephesians 4

I love it when I can see God working so hard on me...when I can clearly see so many pieces being fit together!

Yesterday I decided to Tomato Stake Kyle and Joshua. Kyle has been horrible about tormenting Joshie...and Joshie has been horrible about responding with screaching and whining. So last night I informed them they would be Tomato Staked starting this morning. I'm tired of being frustrated and irritated with them.

Then, David and I discussed the oldest two and their attitudes. I have been thinking that David needed to *get in their faces* to correct them...but he's not *there* yet. And honestly, most of what I want him to handle are things that I tell him about that have happened during the day, rather than things he actually sees or experiences.

So I visited the Godly Tomatoes site this morning. (http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/) And, of course, since this was something God was moving me towards, I got my toes crunched pretty well. :) However...the important thing is that *I* have a way of taking care of things without trying to get (read - manipulate) David into taking care of for me. (Not that he doesn't have a part in parenting...but *I* am home with them all day...and *I* have the opportunity to make the correction WHEN THE INFRACTIONS HAPPEN...which is really more effective anyway!)

Reading up on the littler ones was more of a review...something I needed to get myself focused and to refresh my memory of what I'm doing and why. Sadly, I just now am REALLY beginning to understand the *why* behind it.

But when I started reading about the older ones...it got daunting. How in the world do I reach my teens???

Umm....how about starting with me! OUCH!!!!!!!! Yep...*I* have to make some changes in my own attitude and outlook. The funny thing is, I was thinking of that last night...and that I really don't want to waste all of the revelation God has been pouring into me. But *I* don't see *me* changing...even with all of the incredible things He has been teaching me lately! So...now I have an answer...I'm Tomato Staking myself to God's Word...putting away anger, wrath, malice...etc. And, as I've been learning from Mere Christianity, (or should I say, hearing in a different way that helps me to make sense of it), I can do it because the Holy Spirit is in me, enabling me. Praise God!!!

So....how does Ephesians 4 fit into this? Here are verses 17 to 32...

17So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

vs. 17 *futility of their thinking...the key word is *their*...that would be *me* trying to figure it out on my own!
vs. 18 *ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts*...I've been acting ignorantly because I've been choosing not to trust God...building walls. THAT is changing, praise God!
vs. 19 That's living in the five senses...what I can see, hear, taste, touch, and smell....rather than living in the spirit...which is what God intended!

These 3 verses are a great summation of how God-less people live! And sadly, it describes all too many Christians...who are living out of their heads, rather than their hearts....a way of life I'm choosing to change!

20You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. 21Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus.

vs. 20 I did not come to know Christ by what I knew in my head...I came to know Him...and continue to get to know Him...in my heart...in my spirit.

22You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26"In your anger do not sin"^[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold. 28He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. 29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

vs. 22-32 Here is where the Godly Tomatoes come into play. It jumped out at me....screamed at me...THIS is what I am supposed to be teaching my children to do! It's what *I* need to learn how to do myself!!!

These are behaviors I want to see in myself...and what I want to teach my children. THIS is what it means to be a healthy, viable Christian.

I'm so grateful that, like Paul, I believe, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Because in and of myself I will not be able to do this.

More stuff from BVOV

This is a compilation of thoughts from watching Believer's Voice of Victory...

When you plant a seed, you don't see the result right away. However, there is growth, as the roots are growing down into the soil. These roots are how the plant becomes anchored and how it gets its nourishment.

In Hebrews it says that the covenant was given to Abraham and his SEED (singular). The SEED is Jesus. So the covenant to Abraham was applicable to Jesus. And since I am *in Christ*, that makes the covenant applicable to me as well!

The Bible says that when two or more are in agreement, that thing shall be do. When I come into agreement with what God says about me...there are TWO in agreement...GOD and ME!

More Than Enough

I love the song by Jeremy Camp. It amazes me that any one can truly say that about God - and believe it! It's something I've wanted to feel and believe myself for a long time. But I haven't been able to wrap my mind around how God could possibly mean more to me than a roof over my head or food on the table.

A couple of weeks ago I decided to try my *choice theory* out on on this concept. I knew it would work, at least to some degree. I never imagined it would happen as quickly as it has! I can finally begin to understand how Paul could say he was content in every situation. Jesus is, more and more every day, becoming my all in all.

Making Choices

It all started with me making the choice to love God. 1 Corinthians 13 says that no matter what we do, without love it is nothing. In my experience, choosing to love God makes all the other choices easier to make.

A few months ago I realized that I didn't *feel* like I loved God. I understand that our emotions don't necessarily tell us the truth, but it bothered me just the same. So the next time I prayed, I started with, "I choose to love you, God, because You first loved me." It seemed like an obvious place to start, because that's what the Bible says. I have to admit, though, that at the time I didn't *feel* like God loved me any more than I *felt* like I loved God! But I knew the Word is the truth, and I knew (at least intellectually) that therefore God loved me.

Once I started thinking of reasons to love God - reasons that are stated in the Bible - I noticed that they were all about what God DID for me. That frustrated me, too, in the sense that if my love for someone is based on what they do for me, then if they don't do what I want them to do, the love seems to dwindle.

From there I started to think about the people in my life that I KNEW loved me. What was it that caused me to believe that they loved me? The biggest reason was that they never left me alone...no matter how much I struggled. In that sense, the verse that says, "we love because He first loved us" began to come to life. So my *choice* was tweeked to include, "I choose to love You because You stick by me no matter what."

I remember being at church one morning and singing about God's love and how wonderful it is. I thought to myself, "How I wish I believed that!" At that point it seemed like I was miles away from where I wanted to be in my "love relationship" with God. It wasn't long after that, though, that I began my prayer one morning with my usual choice to love God and realized that I didn't have to CHOOSE any more! It had happened - I LOVED GOD!!! And even better, I KNEW, without a doubt, no matter what, that God loved me and was with me for the long haul!

Since that point, God has shown me different things about which I needed to make choices. I think the most amazing thing I've seen, is that every other choice has truly been easier. Things I have desired to know the truth about - to feel deep in my heart - are happening seemingly automatically. I heard a pastor once say that when your focus is in the right place - on God - things happen by the serendipity principle. I have seen that to be the truth.

All this being said, I do not want to give the impression that bad things don't ever happen. Rather, with a different perspective, they cease to hold me in the bondage of despair. Like Paul, I can find joy in every situation because God has become the Source of my joy.

It also doesn't mean that I don't have a bad day every once in a while. I have noticed, however, that those bad days are a result of me reverting back to old habits and looking for answers in my own mind, rather than going directly to God. A few years ago, a friend told me that I might as well tell God what I'm thinking since He knows already anyway. To be honest, it's not always pretty. But, again, because I KNOW that God will never leave me, I know I can express when I am to Him at any given moment without fear.

For so many years I have tried to walk in love - as stated in 1 Corinthians 13 - and in the fruit of the Spirit - as stated in Galatians 5. Through this experience, I have learned that those things are not what I do to impress God (or man), but rather they are a result of knowing God's love for me and returning that love back to Him. I admit that I do not walk perfectly in those traits. But I am finding that they are easier to walk in with this *love connection* than they were before.

Believer's Voice of Victory

Yesterday morning I was flipping through channels, trying to find something to watch. We were without our cable box (they gave us the wrong one for our area 9 months ago when we moved in, and it just now started acting up...go figure!), so I had to start at 2 and work my way up. The Believer's Voice of Victory was on channel 2...and something caught my attention, so I watched the program. Kenneth Copeland and Creflo Dollar were talking about being blessed. They continued this morning...so I made sure to watch.

The first thing that struck me was when Copeland repeated the verse where Jesus says, "I am the vine and you are the branches..." He stopped there and commented that the branch's job is to just hang on. The vine supplies all the branch needs to produce fruit.

That's amazing...it's my responsibility to hang on to Jesus. Not to try to figure out how to produce fruit...or how I'm gonna be fed. I just have to receive what He gives me and the rest happens.

As I write that, I think I've GOT to have some other responsibility somewhere. But I guess that goes back to being like a child. God will tell/show me what I need to do and when...I just have to obey.

The other thing Dollar brought up at the end of the show was the fact that Abraham questioned God when He said He would bless him. Abraham asked God how...and God told him...then A asked Him how he would KNOW.

That's the thing...knowing. You have to start with believing...make the choice to believe...but eventually you will KNOW. You just have to keep making the choice to believe.

In Hebrews it says that Abraham didn't stagger. So what I see is that taking our concerns to God and allowing HIM to respond to and meet them is NOT staggering.

Kung Fu Panda

Our church rented a theater so we could watch the movie Kung Fu Panda for Father's Day. I was not really keen on the idea...wasn't on my list of *must-see movies*...but I knew the littles would enjoy it. I ended up getting so much out of it...apparently I was in a very thoughtful mood that day!

The Master Turtle said...

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift...
That's why they call it the present.

That just so hit me! I've heard it before...*live in the moment*...*don't worry about tomorrow*...but it sure did strike me when I heard it in the movie! And it's changed my perspective.

Master Turtle also used the analogy of water being stirred up. There was something on the bottom of the pond and he used a stick to stir up the water and make the point that as long as the water was stirred up, you couldn't see clearly. Boy, have I used that one on myself a lot lately. It's encouraged me to get rid of all the garbage that's stirring up my mind and just *live in the moment* and get to place of peace. Then I can hear the still, small voice of God!

Psalm 32

"God-affirmers find themselves loved every time they turn around."

I realized that I feel loved...all the time....by God...no matter how ornery I'm feeling otherwise. That's something that I've chosen to believe I can count on...and it's been written on my heart.

So...according to this verse...that means I'm a *God-affirmer*!

So many times I've read a verse and wondered...*do I fit that?*...good and bad. It really feels good to KNOW that I fit THIS...and it's a GOOD thing!!!

Amen!

From Psalm 51

"What you're after is truth from the inside out."

Amazing...confirmation that what we've been learning IS truth! When it's foundation on the inside, it starts to happen on the outside!

"...shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life."

YES!!!

"Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice."

When our hearts are broken, we can be re-shaped. It doesn't have to be a horrible, painful thing...just broken before God...willing to be molded.

From Psalm 86

"you never, never quit." (talking about God)

I'm so grateful He's never given up on me...no matter how much I deserve it. Come to think of it, it seems those times when I think He SHOULD give up on me...end up to be the times when my heart is broken and pliable!

From the Psalms

Psalms 3

The last verse says, "Real help comes from God." I can stop searching and looking for answers. God is the *real deal*. When HE helps, it is truly HELP, not a quick fix.

Psalm 4 says, "He listens the split second I call to him." Then further down it says, "Keep your mouth shut, and let your heart do the talking."

So often I call out to God, but I don't hear any response and I get frustrated. Yet there are other times when I hear right away, even through my complaining. I guess it's a heart issue!

Psalm 13 is so cool! From what I can tell, David is calling out to God, but has not received his deliverance yet. Even so, he's CHOOSING to praise God for the answer he expects, AND he is doing that by looking back at all the things God has already answered! It really does work!

Psalm 111

Verse 10 in the message Bible says,

"The good life begins in the fear of God -
Do that and you'll know the blessing of God."

So...realizing that when the Bible was translated into English, often the words that were chosen were for control purposes (that's a post in and of itself)...I tried to look up the Hebrew word that was translated into *fear*.

http://www.drbilllong.com/Lectionary/Ps111.html has this commentary...

"A whole book could easily be written on the Biblical concept of wisdom. Suffice it to say here that gratitude and "studying" lay the foundation for wisdom. When it says that the "fear" of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, the Psalmist is not pointing to an attitude of terror or shrinking away from God. Rather, as Gerhard von Rad, the leading OT theologian of the last generation says, the fear of the Lord includes both the experience of awe and the irresistible attraction to the graciousness of God, but it is not a state of anxiety.

In fact, from all that has been said, it sounds like the one who praises God is in love with God. That isn't a word that is overly used in the Psalms but it one for our day. We give thanks with our whole heart. We "study" the works of God through worship. We cultivate an "irrestistible attraction to the grace of God." Our lives and our hearts are irreversibly touched by the Easter news. Praise be to God."

I love this! I can't for the life of me imagine how someone can LOVE someone they are IN TERROR OF! It just doesn't make sense. And if God wants a RELATIONSHIP with us...then why would He want us SCARED? Do we want our children SCARED of us? No...we want their LOVE, their RESPECT...their AWE, if you will. So this exerpt makes total sense to me.

Here's the challenge I see...

For years I was taught that *fear* really did mean *being afraid*...I suppose of what God would do to me if I didn't do the *right* thing. There was no love there...because I was too busy being *afraid* to *cultivate and irresistable attraction* to God. But somewhere along the line I got too mad to be *afraid*. I figured my life was miserable enough...that if I was gonna be miserable anyway I might as well be honest with God. And somehow from there, I find myself in a place of truly WANTING to LOVE God!

So as I continued in the Psalms this morning (I read 111-118), I read something else that David said about God that isn't necessarily accurate. It IS how David felt...and there is some truth to it...but it's not exactly accurate.

David commented about God is in heaven doing anything He wants. Yes...He CAN do anything He wants. However, he has chosen to live by the laws...the covenant, if you will...that He created. Part of that covenant is the understanding that man has dominion over the earth. And following spiritual laws, that means that God MUST have man's permission to work on the earth. As I read that, it hit me. I've had it backwards for years! I've seen God's laws and commands as being so restrictive...yet they are actually FREEDOM to ME! They restrict GOD!

Check this out! If something in my life is going haywire, God WANTS to help me. But if I'm not following the rules He set out...HE CAN'T! He is ABLE...but if I don't give Him PERMISSION to work in that situation by BELIEVING He CAN and WILL...then that takes His ability to intervene away!

To some this would sound like heresy. I'm not saying that I CONTROL God in that I tell Him what to do and make demands on Him whenever and for whatever I want. What I'm saying is that I have the CHOICE to allow Him to work on my behalf, or to take care of things my own way.

Here's the clincher. In order for me to DESIRE to *follow His commands* because I LOVE them, I MUST believe that HE loves ME! I MUST believe that He is truly FOR me and not against me! I MUST believe that He is NOT an egomaniac just trying to make Himself look and feel good! (And yes...I believed that one for years!) I MUST believe that every law, every command, every part of the covenant was made for MY GOOD.

If it's just another set of rules and regulations...that I follow and HOPE things will go good for me...what's the use? Our country has rules like that...that seem to work for some and not others...or are bent as somebody with influence (read...money) desires. At best, it's frustrating living under those conditions.