In Matthew it says, "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God." I didn't get that at all for the longest time. Then somehow I started understanding it to mean that all I needed to live in this life is the Word of God. But I couldn't figure out how I could go without physical food and still survivr. I seriously took it to mean one or the other....that God's Word would/could replace actual food. And honestly I was mad at God for asking me to do that.
But apparently now that my 6th child has begun to read, I have learned how to read as well. For example, I am seeing ALL of the words that are there. I have realized that, aside from being called to fast, God is not telling me to quit eating and just read the Bible or memorize verses.
Thanks to some wonderful sisters in Christ, my eyes have yet again been opened to some awesome truths. Tonight's revelation is one that I hope I can relate in a way that makes sense. Here goes...
I am actually two separate beings....a physical being and a spiritual being...my flesh and my spirit. Just like my body requires physical food to grow and thrive, so does my spirit man require the Word of God for "food" to grow and thrive. And just like in our physical lives where the stronger person dominates the weaker person, so in our own bodies the stronger of the flesh or spirit will dominate the weaker.
In the end, whichever is fed more will grow and thrive more and will dominate. It's my choice. To choose the spirit is to choose life and connection to God. To choose the flesh is to choose death and separation from God. Yes, there will be growing pains...but the more I choose to walk in the spirit...and the more dominant that part of me becomes....the less painful life will be.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Joshua Michael
Joshie was supposed to be a girl. We all convinced ourselves he was.
Then it happened. A week and a half before he was born, I was up early on a Sunday morning praying. God laid the name Joshua Michael on my heart. I knew what it meant...my baby was a boy...and I cried.
That morning during church I started thinking about the meaning of the name. Joshua means "God is my salvation", and Michael means "who is like God". That was enough to stun me. But when I read about the character of Joshua and Michael, I was completely overwhelmed. I thought maybe I was scratching the surface of what Mary felt when God told her that she would give birth to Jesus.
When Joshie was about 6 months old I started having horrible anxiety attacks. I couldn't eat or sleep...I was so afraid of me (or someone else in the house) throwing up. It was absolutely paralyzing. I was afraid to get in a car at times. I couldn't seem to control the thoughts myself...nor did praying seem to help. I remember one night in particular just bawling on the floor, begging God to help me.
After about 4 months, the anxiety seemed to back off...drastically, in fact. But it was replaced with severe depression, which I didn't even recognize at first. It all came to a head the day my friend's husband died. It wasn't unexpected, but I felt completely lost and alone. If Tom couldn't have enough faith...and he was a pastor...where did that leave me???? My friend introduced me to Pastor Jim Richards' materials...and suddenly there was hope again. That wasn't the end of the anxiety, but it was MUCH better...less often...and more manageable. I could at least force myself to try to focus on praying and God's truths.
It's been 4 1/2 years since the anxiety started. The attacks are still few and far between...and MUCH easier to manage. But it irritates me that it still bothers me at all. I just don't want to have to fight this stupid thing any more. And tonight, when I started to struggle, I was walking with Noelle to get her to sleep and complaining to God. I'm just tired of having to fight this thing.
And then it hit me.
I thought I kind of understood the name thing. But I realized tonight that I wasn't even close. (Of course, I may realize down the road that I'm STILL not even close!) The reality is, every attack is an opportunity to recognize Jesus as my salvation. He even gave me a reminder...Joshua Michael. JESUS is my salvation...and there is NO ONE like Him!
The timing of Joshie's birth even...in the midnight hour...is just amazing to me. In fact, he was born the night The Passion came out in movie theaters. When I watched the movie, I checked to see what was happening about 45 minutes in. It was when Jesus was before Herod. It didn't seem all that significant at the time. But now it seems as if He was showing me that He was fighting for me even then.
All these words I've written cannot begin to express the depth of the revelation I've had tonight. I'm amazed and overwhelmed with His love and protection of me.
THANK YOU, LORD!!!
Then it happened. A week and a half before he was born, I was up early on a Sunday morning praying. God laid the name Joshua Michael on my heart. I knew what it meant...my baby was a boy...and I cried.
That morning during church I started thinking about the meaning of the name. Joshua means "God is my salvation", and Michael means "who is like God". That was enough to stun me. But when I read about the character of Joshua and Michael, I was completely overwhelmed. I thought maybe I was scratching the surface of what Mary felt when God told her that she would give birth to Jesus.
When Joshie was about 6 months old I started having horrible anxiety attacks. I couldn't eat or sleep...I was so afraid of me (or someone else in the house) throwing up. It was absolutely paralyzing. I was afraid to get in a car at times. I couldn't seem to control the thoughts myself...nor did praying seem to help. I remember one night in particular just bawling on the floor, begging God to help me.
After about 4 months, the anxiety seemed to back off...drastically, in fact. But it was replaced with severe depression, which I didn't even recognize at first. It all came to a head the day my friend's husband died. It wasn't unexpected, but I felt completely lost and alone. If Tom couldn't have enough faith...and he was a pastor...where did that leave me???? My friend introduced me to Pastor Jim Richards' materials...and suddenly there was hope again. That wasn't the end of the anxiety, but it was MUCH better...less often...and more manageable. I could at least force myself to try to focus on praying and God's truths.
It's been 4 1/2 years since the anxiety started. The attacks are still few and far between...and MUCH easier to manage. But it irritates me that it still bothers me at all. I just don't want to have to fight this stupid thing any more. And tonight, when I started to struggle, I was walking with Noelle to get her to sleep and complaining to God. I'm just tired of having to fight this thing.
And then it hit me.
I thought I kind of understood the name thing. But I realized tonight that I wasn't even close. (Of course, I may realize down the road that I'm STILL not even close!) The reality is, every attack is an opportunity to recognize Jesus as my salvation. He even gave me a reminder...Joshua Michael. JESUS is my salvation...and there is NO ONE like Him!
The timing of Joshie's birth even...in the midnight hour...is just amazing to me. In fact, he was born the night The Passion came out in movie theaters. When I watched the movie, I checked to see what was happening about 45 minutes in. It was when Jesus was before Herod. It didn't seem all that significant at the time. But now it seems as if He was showing me that He was fighting for me even then.
All these words I've written cannot begin to express the depth of the revelation I've had tonight. I'm amazed and overwhelmed with His love and protection of me.
THANK YOU, LORD!!!
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