November 08

So I'm reading through Amos as part of a Bible reading plan on my phone....just finished Hosea and Joel...where God is basically telling the Israelites to get it together or they're gonna be in trouble. I've heard that just because something is in the Bible, it doesn't mean that *God* said it...so much as that was what happened. However, these books are prophecy books...and the men that wrote them are speaking what God has told them to say. So I'm going with the understanding that when God says *If you _____, then I will ____*, that is truly what would happen. In other words, if they continued to reject God, He would cause them to be taken into captivity.

So...my question is...is that who God is today? I am covered by the blood of Jesus, so all of the *if you _____* are taken care of. There are laws to follow not out of obligation or threat of punishment, but because God knows the end result of the bad behavior/actions. The problem is, that makes the *laws* sound like mere suggestions...not necessarily to be taken seriously.

The blood of Jesus protects me from the *punishment* of disobeying the laws...but it may or may not protect me from the *consequences*. Although that kinda makes it sound like God just arbitrarily chooses who to *rescue* and who not to. Then again, that may have something to do with heart issues...and God being willing to *rescue* those who truly have a change of heart. But there again...isn't that an arbitrary decision?

I'm trying desperately to get away from the idea that God is arbitrary. He says He is no respecter of persons. So why does it appear that sometimes He answers and sometimes He doesn't...sometimes He rescues and sometimes He doesn't...sometimes He steps in and sometimes He doesn't. Am I trying too hard to figure Him out????

I thought it was simple. Jesus died to take away my sins and the Holy Spirit lives within me to give me the same power He gave Jesus. So where does that leave God? Why do I get some things I merely mention in a prayer...or just even think about...yet the things that I seriously pray about remain unanswered?

What authority does God have on earth...in my life...today? What authority do I have? Those are the bottom-line questions.

As I typed that, I heard that He has the authority in my life that I give Him. I'm not exactly sure what that means at this moment...something about surrendering. OK...I'm somewhat beginning to understand. But...example...conceiving....what role does God have in that? (I'd love to know the answer across the board...but as Aslan has told the Pevensies...someone else's life is not mine to understand.) In this example, David and I have done all we can to conceive. Is it in God's hands now? Or simply in nature's (whatever that means)?

Reading Amos, I see that all God wants is to be noticed...for me to hunger and thirst for HIM...rather than other gods (including conceiving...hint, hint). I guess where I go then is...does that mean I will get the things I want...that He will honor the desires of my heart? Doesn't He still have the final say on if/when things happen? What about the choices other people make?

It just doesn't seem as simple as I thought it was supposed to be. Or maybe I'm just complicating it. It's all very frustrating.

How exactly do I give Him authority in my life? It's what I want...and has been...but I really don't know how to just *let go* of things that are important to me...like finances and conception (issues du jour...lol). And yet...for a while now...I've felt that if I *let go* those things will just happen...He WILL take care of them. I suppose it's a trust issue.

Ahhh...I look around and don't see evidence....in other peoples' lives...in people that I would think SHOULD have evidence. (Sorry, Jenny...that's you! No pressure!) But I suppose that I see the outward things...not the heart issues...and since everyone has issues....

So where do I look for evidence to know it's true? I have to know in my heart...wow...no tall order there! I have to know because God said so...and meditate on those things until I know in my toes...somehow find a way to attach the feeling of hope to those things...until I don't just know because I CHOOSE to know...but because I really do...